Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Things my Frannie won't remember when she's older

Dear Frannie,
When you are all grown up you are going to be a special woman. For now, you are my special little girl and I treasure each day we have together. There are so many parts to the person you are now, that will only be my memories when you're older. Will you remember how I tuck you in bed each evening like a flower and water sprinkles all over your head? Will you remember how I sing "A Whole New World" and "Other Girls" each and every night? Will you remember how you ask for cuddlin' and just want to sit folded up in my lap? Will you remember your temper tantrums when you're tired and your exhuberance when we go somewhere new? How about our time together at the grocery store how you comment on each and every thing in every aisle? You are loud and excited and proclaim "We gotta get the pickles! Don't forget the pickles? Silly mama! You don't wanna forget the pickles! Oh! (Shaking head)" Everyone in the grocery store looks at you and smiles at you and wonders how old you are.

Sometimes as your mama I wonder if you will ever grow out of your size 6 1/2 "sparklies". Will you outgrow the waist of your 18mo. pink pants or will they just keep getting shorter? Will you keep biting off your toenails? Will you ever know all of your colors? (Thank goodness I finally taught you the colors red and yellow. Before everything was green.) Will you always run with your knees up high like a pony? I hope so! I hope that laugh of yours never changes, I need to get it on tape.

Will you always be a sensitive girl who is quick to love and laugh, and also to cry and get hurt feelings?

I wish I could take these days and put them in a little time capsule so that when I am an old woman I can reach in and grab just a little of it back. I know that these are my most blessed days. When you are older, you will remember many things that we do together and you can help remind me. But for now, and for the days that have already passed, I am the only one who holds these memories in my consciousness. Thank God I have your father so we can remember together!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Park Days

The very best thing about being a SAHM are the park days. Today was an amazingly beautiful day with a breeze that was just right and sun that dappled through the trees. I met with other moms from the GCH group and the kids just played and played and played. At one point it seemed a group of them had gathered sticks and were herding around like a pack looking for things to poke. As for me, I just talked and held Adam. This is the life!! Seriously! For all that I may complain from time to time about how hard it can be (especially times when the kids are sick or it seems like 4 things need to be tended to all at once) really, truly, this is the life. I'm so lucky! Sometimes the weekdays seem better than the weekends only because I have one less mouth to feed during the day on weekdays. Come weekends it seems like I am always cooking a big breakfast that makes a big mess and then a big lunch. Still I like weekends too though. What I really like are these park days!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Capturing babyhood

So what is it with second children that no one seems to capture their babyhood as much as the first? It seemed with Francesca that I just hung on for every new thing she did and deeply cherished her sweet ways. Even now as she does something new my heart sings a little song because she is at the magical age of three and is always doing or saying something that is just precious. She loves to have me play "The Lady" with her where I'll growl and chase her and she screams "The Lady! Oh no!". She also calls me "mother" all of the time, as in "I gotta listen to my mother" or "I love you mother." Mother always comes out like mudder. I even like listening to her as she tries to get out a complicated thought and she is always tripping over her words and saying certain parts over and over until she gets her thought out right.

I spend so much time tending to Frannie, that I don't have much time to just sit face to face with Adam and pay attention to him alone. The other day Fran was asleep and I got 2 uninterupted hours with Adam and it was like I discovered that I have this magical baby who is every bit as cute and darling as his sister. He has two teeth on the bottom and all gums on top. His smile and laughter melt my heart. I have a tendency to think of Adam as sweet, but a nuisance. I tend to think of him as my complainer who calls out DAH! BAH! EH! slams his fists against things and cries whenever I set him down because I am trying to get something done. During those two hours when it was just the two of us I had the opportunity to just tickle him endlessly and pinch his boody and chase him as he tried to crawl away from me laughing. I had the chance to nuzzle his naked belly with my nose and make him laugh. I was helping him walk all over the place. And showing him his refection in the mirror. I got to just really enjoy him.

So then it got me thinking, how is it that I am an at-home mother and I'm not enjoying my baby the way I could? I realized that he is on my hip or I am setting him down somewhere so that I can tend to something else. Frannie is always interrupting me. I've been taking care of him, but haven't been taking the time to stop and really enjoy him. I don't want to miss his babyhood. I don't want him to be 5 years old in the blink of an eye and wonder where these days went. He is so precious and darling and has the sweetest pure belly laugh of a baby and those pudgy cheeks and gummy grin. My little boy is his own special person.

So I'm resolving to stop more and pay more attention to this baby who is in my arms all of the time. He'll only be a baby once. One day he'll be a big hairy man. Oh dear.